I wanted to be recognised so I would make people feel sorry for me

growing up I had a lot of trouble with expressing myself and I found it difficult to open up with how I really felt I had a kinda small friendship group so I reached out to people online. My self esteem was really low so when I was 12 I used to pretend to be someone I wasnt with my fake persona of a 17 year old boy. I wanted to be recognised so I would make people feel sorry for me I made a lot of friends and I was constantly texting them I became reliant on them Now im older I know what I did was wrong and I should have just spoken to people about How I really felt but I didn’t feel comfortable.